mardi, novembre 08, 2011

E.T. said Let it Be.

i was speaking to a friend last night who admitted that they never saw E.T. she is a little older than me, so I was baffled. how can one go through life without seeing that film? she has a son, and how can he go through life without seeing it as well? and then i thought more about what the film did to me and why i was so insistent about having to see it. i still remember the whole event. i came from a working class family. to go see a movie together and eat out was a big deal. so unlike, how it is now for people who seem so spoiled and entitled. or maybe, i have become one of those people expecting material things i think i deserve.

I was 11 maybe, my family and i went to the matinee, because it was affordable, but i never felt like i was being cheated. we had seen star wars several years earlier under the same conditions. empire strikes back, too. and raiders of the lost ark. harrison ford to this day is my fantasy lover. but i digress. 

E.T. had me from the beginning. it was mysterious and other-worldly. but it was really human. it was about love. it was about loss of innocence. it was about children knowing better than adults and the government being fucked up. it was about relationships and loyalty. it is about how sometimes, the human spirit soars and breaks the rules. and it is about letting go of something you love for its benefit. 

i remember, going to McDonald's in the mall afterward to eat. it was a different time, america was not yet a fast food nation. going to get a coke and some fries was a treat. but i couldn't eat. i couldn't eat. i was still crying at the movie. i was in a pinkish dress, which maybe explains my utter disdain for that color. i was so brokenhearted that elliot and E.T. had to part ways. i lied to my parents and told them i felt sick and could not eat what they ordered. i guess it was not a lie, because i was upset. i just couldn't communicate what the film had done to me.

i was a kid. that movie gave some lessons i still have not accepted. life is beautiful and life is drenched in loss. the buddha teaches how to let it be. i think the beatles taught that too. i still have not figured it out. how to let it be.

mercredi, décembre 22, 2010

merry fuck you christmas

this is a practice run at trying to write again. i don't hang on anyone to read this shit or care and so doing it purely for myself is fine...but the allure of publishing it publicly for any sad sack to read is also damn enticing. except for family, that is!

x-mas is not a happy time for me anymore these days. prolly cause i moved to seattle where it is fucking dark every hour i have free time at this time of year and need to have an IV dose of vitamin D or something, or because my children don't believe in santa anymore, or because i work in a field where everyone wants to off themselves too, or because it is too commercial making me feel sad for the human race, or maybe cause the line at target is a half hour long when all i need is trash bags, or because i just need to get my shit together again and deal with loss and grieving. hmmm. wonder what it is?

my perspective just may be a wee bit off. yeah, yeah.

i have had 2 desperate broken hearts in my life. first one: mum dying right after christmas in '95. breast cancer; age 45. ugh. fuck you, cancer. second one: recent. boy dumps me after years of my hoping, wishing, fantasizing about it working out and dreeming of some holidays together. finally. whoops. stupid me. genius perfume can do that to you.

maybe this is all a blessing? i'll find my voice again? that bitch feminist will rant again?  not so sure. but i like his  voice from above (that *guy's* up in that video, not the bearded one fearing everybody out) and i'll have to be content with that for now.

mardi, octobre 06, 2009

when endings start

with much taint and misunderstanding this blog has had it's run. time for something new.

au revoir, simone...

mardi, juin 30, 2009


seeing the forest for the trees.